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Saturday Brunch!!

Saturday Brunch!!.

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Post 205

Blasted over but not out!!!

So I finally made it to word press, after an afternoon of clicks and hits and misses I have managed to give it a fairly decent look. Right that done , I am sure by now all of you have heard about the Mumbai blast that happened this evening. And by God did I realise that “it’s a Wednesday” and it is Ajmal Kasab’s Birthday so some lunatics just decide to take revenge. It is South Mumbai that pays the price, there is a horrible sense of de javu.. It is like 2002, 1992, 2006 and 26/11 all revisiting. My question, as I am sure millions of you out there will have the same, what now, by that I do not mean the country’s emergency services, I mean how many more lives, how many more times before such acts could would stop. THere is no answer. We are not the first country to go through this and the loss is not unique to us either, but try explaining it to those who have lost a loved one.. In fact I was hard at work when my fiance gives me a frantic set of messages on GTalk to inquire if I am alright and trust me I am over 1200 km away from Mumbai but that does not stop the fear. We cannot leave the house without fearing our safe return and our loved ones in perpetually on tenterhooks. I know I do not have an answer and would I blame the Government, honestly I am not sure but what I know is that blame game will not get us  anywhere.. But then what else can we do, the whole thing og wait and watch no longer works, we have been tried and tested for too long and now at a breaking point.. As for me I think I am beyond loosing patience, resilience has given way and now there is this simmering volcano, which could erupt any moment and like me I am sure, millions out there would be echoing a similar sentiments..

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>more food

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She was yum yum!!!

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>Post No.199

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Bhalobashi Bhalobashi, As in I love thee, I love thee…
In all that exists, in this universe, in all its music, I love thee,,

The very song that I use to cringe on listening has now become music to my ears.
I cannot help but not listen to this over and over again.. It transcends me to a time and place
that i have dreamt all my life and patiently waited for it to come
And as I see my self standing  in a new threshold  of my life and dream of all that in to come,
I  smile at my self and say Bhalobashi Bhalobashi 🙂 And the feeling is beyond any possible quantification …….

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>Post no.185

>This is a mail my boss wrote to me this morning after a rather animated discussion and it felt rather nice…. it read

Dear N,

Are you living under the guise of a label? Do you put a label on people?

We live in a culture that uses labels as a means of understanding the world and the people living in it. As a result, many of us find ourselves laboring under a label that has a negative connotation. Unless we can find a way to see the good in such a label, we may feel burdened by an idea of ourselves that is not accurate. It is important to remember that almost nothing in this world is all good or all bad, and most everything is a complex mixture of gifts and challenges. In addition, different cultures revere certain qualities over others, but this does not mean that these qualities are inherently good or bad. For example, a culture that elevates outgoing behavior will label an introvert in a negative way, calling them antisocial. In truth, the ability to spend time alone is one that most great artists, mystics, and visionaries share. Owning the positive side of this label can lead us deeper into our gifted visions and fertile imaginations.

When we look into the lives of any of the great people in history, we always find that they had quirks and eccentricities that earned them less than ideal labels from the societies in which they lived. Many famous artists and musicians were considered to be isolated loners or disruptive troublemakers, or sometimes both, yet these people altered history and contributed to the world an original vision or advances in our understanding of the universe. If we can remember this as we examine our own selves and the labels people use to describe us, we find that there is a bright side to any characterization. 

If you have been labeled, remember that all you have to do to see the positive side is to turn the label around. For example, you may be considered to be overly emotional, and the fact that you are perceived this way may make you feel out of control. But notice, too, the gifts of being able to feel and express your emotions, even in a world that doesn’t always encourage that. You might begin to see yourself as brave and open-hearted enough to stay alive to your feelings. You may also see that there are certain paths and professions in which this is a necessary ability. As you turn your label around, the light of your true nature shines to guide you on your way.

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>Post no.184

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Tallying the Balance Sheet
It is one of those days when I get a chance to sit back , reflect and examine life, its ups and downs, and the many shades it has shown me. And I cannot help wondering how it feels to reach the twilight of ones journey ,looking at the successes and failures, those that I should have got, I could have got and those that I lost out on and adding up the balance sheet of life in general….  Then you realise, everything, you, me and life in general is ephemeral and as it came, so it should go so learn to let go for the harder you try to hold on, the faster it slips away….. Here I am reminded of one of Tagore’s songs where he laments upon the time when life was like a flower.. So I try and pen down my translation of his words.. To this I shall only add, oblivion would only lead to rejuvenation and to a new beginning..
When life was like a flower, it had hundreds of petals
In Spring of giving it would shed , yet it had so much give
But now that it is in its Autumn, laden with fruits
Its time has ebbed
And now it would give of itself full measure, drooping with the burden sweetness
Slowly disappearing into oblivion 

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>Post no.183

>This is not on!!

When I signed this pact with God at the time of birth.. this was not in clause.. There is a limit to which one can really take it and then you are at your wits end wondering what do you do, rather what can you do. Sometimes, I wonder what next.. Well one good thing was that I did not fall sick on my birthday week, since I was travelling. But alas this relief was short lived.. The last 10 days of my life has been a disaster to say the least health wise that is.. My life is slowly resembling a parabola.. When ever I think things are well slowly falling into place up comes a surprise from round the corner.. For instance, Thursday after all the mishap when I went back to Meghdooth theatre and Nrityakala, things began to pick up and I felt ever so uplifted.. I was back to my domain.. As I said good things are not meant for me.. So whilst Thursday was great, Friday was spent developing RFPs for my company fine that is work, I am paid for that so I cannot complain but the weekend! Since midnight Saturday, I have been down with high fever, totally bedridden.. My mother was all tears thinking she was loosing her daughter to 105,106,107… and so on readings of the thermometer.. All possible blood tests from Malaria  to Jaundice everything has been done and none can pin point what is wrong with me.. And last evening things became a bit serious when the doctor said if things do not improve, we ought to take her to the hospital and put her under supervised care.. Thankfully the fever came down (well for now that is) and at the moment is hovering at about 100 deg F. So I can sit up on the bed. The doctors think I overwork my self, well not really I have known people to work for 17 hours and I can go only up to 14.. But his take is that exhaustion can take a toll.. Well may be he is right…

My mum blames her self.. Her take is that had she and dad not insisted on my return from the UK or rather concurred with my decision to relocate to India, I would be in much better health.. For my close to 7 years in the UK, I was in perfect health and can rarely remember falling sick except perhaps once.. I do not know about that but mentally I was better off back then.. So if only I can find a way back there? An onsight to UK perhaps.. or to some other part of the world for me to regroup and rejuvenate.. But then again the mere thought of being away from mum and dad is just not inviting.. So I might just continue here.

Now what do we do about this fever, Sometimes I just laugh at myself and there can only be two reasons, either I am supremely confident that it will fix it self or I am hopeless about my condition. The later looks ore like it.. Physical discomfort can be very tiring and this slipping in and out of fever with the odd unconscious convulsions is not a very nice state to be in. Then on that I have a deadline on Wednesday so I am at that as well. Thankfully, that is taken care to a large extend so one less thing for me to worry for now.. All this has got me all cynical, antipode to my nature.. A dear friend heard about my condition and and came to visit me yesterday.. His two bits on this was you are not the person I have known you to be.. And I want my dear friend back, who are you and what have done to my friend.. He is only too kind.. but my nature has taken a 360 degree turn and perhaps for the worse.. Anyway nature can be worked upon but what is important is to get my health back and now would be the right time… Because I am running out of options and I cannot fight with this.. If it something serious then it ought to come out so I know what is going on with me.. This niggling and nagging issues is getting to me now.. First it interesting, then it got irritating then annoying and now I have been pushed to the wall.. So yeah a solution would be good now.. There is got to be a way out.. All this rave and rant is making me tired and it is time for my horrid medicines and then I shall try to get my mind on to something.. or simply try to sleep if I can.. I need it desperately..

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