Up and About
Its been a while since I last wrote… Well to be honest it has been a very busy last 5 months ( right a very cliched excuse for my procrastination).. To start with let me fill you up with all that has been happening. I got married .. Yes, I did and in one simple word marriage is pure bliss, yes, we have our share of fighting and screaming but love continues to be the over-ridding factor… So we got married in November, had an awesome honeymoon in Thailand, set up my place in December, only to discover that my man was off to the States in January.. That left me completely heart-broken, I mean let us face it, we have just got married, give us a couple of month for Christ sake… But who is going to bell the cat, the IT Industry is devoid of any human emotions… And so he made his way to the US… What of me; well we thought, mulled over and even kind of came to a conclusion, only to realise that it was simply impossible to adhere to any such plan.. We had to be together, so I took a call, wasn’t really very difficult because, I wanted a break, had been working for way too long so I decided to make my way to the Third continent but after 4 very long months…. I have to say this I missed him terribly…
So, I landed in King of Prussia, Philadelphia (there is actually a place with that name) last Sunday.. The husband was there to receive me and believe you me , what a refreshing sight, after 4months and 22 hours of fight… So I came into my husband’s pad, a complete bachelor place, needed a fair bit of tweaking, but I really do not mind, I have set up houses in 2 continents so this should be fun more so when it is with my man..Endless trips to Walmart, Ikea and not to mention the Indian Store… But I am enjoying it, Setting up the house, cooking cleaning, washing and still managing to have some time to myself to reading, writing etc.. I mean while I was working I hardly did any housework, but I never had time to my self… A part of me always wanted to be a domestic goddess though I am far from it, but it feels nice to get things in order.. The third Continent has been so far rather welcoming… I do not know what lies ahead but for now domestic bliss is a rather welcome change and I am loving it….
You Me aur Hum…
Sorry, I have been away for a while… No particular reason, You could call it laziness, its not like i had nothing to write, trust me I had enough matters to pen down but for what ever reason never really got around to do so and as always, I had an excuse, work!!! Anyway coming back to the point.. so here I am…
It is November 2011 finally..Which means in 18 days time I am getting married… Right yes, it is true I am indeed getting married.. Prithwish is back from his tantalising business trip and yes,we are all set to tie the knot.. I mean almost…
Ok may be may be not.. I mean I love this man to bits there is no two ways to that and I want to spend the rest of my life with him… I have so many plans for us together, so many dreams and all this while I had i had it figured, so I thought, but as they say life is not a SWOT analysis and you do not have an SOP.. I know I want it all with him, only thing is I am not sure do I want it now, am I ready for this, will i be able to handle it all, what ifs and if nots are the things that keep coming to my mind and I feel like withdrawing into some sort of a shell, hide my self and pretty much stay there.. I wish I had the luxury of doing so…
There is work that keeps you busy, with a monthly magazine, weekly news letter and other pending issues, most of my day goes in sorting them but then there are still 14 odd hours left and that gives me enough time to fret and worry… In short I am scared to my wits end and have been for sometime.. Have I spoken to Prithwish about it? Off course I have and we are sailing in the same boat trust me.. except he looks at it differently… He told me that yes, it will be a new setting,yes,we will make mistakes and no there will not be rainbows day after day but as long as we are together the rest will fall in to place.. Strangely, My daddy had said the same thing to Mum after their marriage and there’s have been one of the most happy and successful marriage i have known..interesting…
Last week there was a little ceremony a kind of puja at our place where in Prithwish had to be present That is when I reaslised how important he is..This was done for our happy life… His presence him holding my hand and promising that come what may I will stand by you.. that is what matters. All this while I have been fretting but last Saturday when he stood by me and One look at his face, and my troubles seemed to take a back seat and I am assured that as long as we are together the rest will figure it self.. Yes,we will have our fights and bickering and yes, we will argue but then which happy marriage does not, at the end of the day what matters that we are together and when you wake up in the morning he will be there right by my side ( at least I hope he will be unless I do not drive him up the wall by then). So as I stood holding his hands, I could see a life time of adventures, action, drama, laughter and a lot of love and fear seemed to have lost its way completely… Life had never been this beautiful not to mention inviting….
I love You…..
Sometimes it is not enough to assume…. there are times you must say and say you must over and over again.. so that you have never have to regret for not having said so…
Darling I love you, for the person you are, for the joy you give me, for the light you bring in, for the smile on my face, for the odd tears (trust me you need that too)… For bringing the best in me… For holding me when I fall and giving me the strength to go ever onward..For being my best of friends and my severest critic and correcting me when ever falter so that I can aspire to be best and for being my biggest inspiration behind cooking a hobby I have learnt to love….
I love you for sitting through my tears and the ever so comforting assurance and believing in me more that myself that I will be “just fine” even when you are not around… When you left 2 months back ( though I know it is only temporary) I felt my world crumbling literally. To the world I was brave with a smile on my face, telling them oh he will be back but my heart knows how much I cried and how much I was torn to see you go.. It was then that you held on to me and said “Nandini I am always there and when ever you are lonely just think of me and there will be a smile on your face and that smile will be mine.” Trust me, that statement of yours have kept me going all these days….
Above All I love you for loving me just as I am and I love you for who you are and always have been…. My dear .
There are no Boundaries in your Love:
Lately I have been reading Tagore a fair bit, to be honest I always found his novels to be dramatic, high strung and at times rather absurd.. That was when I truly understood the essence of his stories and how he effortlessly portrays every character in its own skin and how he weaves an interplay of emotions, whether it is Binodini asha and Mahendra in Chokherbali or Hem and Ramesh , Kamala and Nalinaksha or it is Labanya and Amit Ray of Shesher Kobita.. How intricately he plays with the human mind, how vividly he portrays human emotions whether that of a man or a woman and how deeply he goes to the heart of every character. The best thing about reading his novel is that you are a part of the story and you are living what these characters are and experiencing similar emotions and when any single character suffers it is like you and me suffering.. I remember in Gora finds out about his true identity and the turmoil he goes through and the dilemma he is in, it is like I fought all my life for an identity which never belonged to me, I still remember how I cried after reading Gora, rarely does that happen. For me there is a very strong emotional connection when it comes to Tagore… For me, their appeal, stemming from the combination of emotion and beauty surpasses most of what I have read and understood all my life.. For me Tagore is the very essence of my existence, it flows in my veins, In his works I have found solace and taken refuge in those dark dis paring moments of my life. In joy and in sadness I have taken him name through his music, I have laughed with his stories and cried with his heroes and heroines. It has been so long that I cannot remember when it all started, but what I know my admiration knows no bounds when it comes this Grand Old Man.
A few words I pen down inspired from his song Tomaro Ashime
There are no boundaries of your love,
It is ever flowing, it is boundless,
With you in my life
No pain was hard enough for me to bear
No sorrow deep for me to endure
Even the dark image of Death could not deter me
But with you gone,
I would die a thousand death every day
I am incomplete,lonely and unfinished
My heart cries out endlessly, just as the river cries for the banks
My tears speak my heart
Non see the fire of emotions in me, As you see it with a blink of an eye
Holding you to me and touching you;
For me: is attaining salvation
My dear there are no boundaries in your love..
If Meetings could kill then this is the Mother of all
So far, crazy day.. I mean really crazy.. I had to sit through a room full of very very eminent people who could talk endlessly about pretty much anything in the digital space.. It is fun for a while but then if you have to hear them jabbering about strategies you know will hardly ever work and a boss who is pretty much cringing at ever second suggestion they make, trust me it is not fun..Not to say I am digital phobic, I can’t afford to be after working for an Industry Association that promotes one, but to hear out I don’t know how many hours of jabber jibber any sane guy would loose their patience and the only thing to look forward to is very very salty food and deep fried savories with super sweet cookies.. Oh no I don’t think I would have the energy to pretend that I was having a good time.. After a while award shows, digital summit, strategy groups just became heavy sounding words from people who had otherwise run out of vocabulary.. Given the nature of my job I sit in I don’t know how many committee meetings and as an association employee, normally as an observer or organiser of such events so I am used to such blabbering and ji-jabs but rarely are they painful… This was seriously seriously torture and trust me even a whole box of paracetamols and analgesics would not be enough.. Now if this wasn’t bad enough hold on I have another committee to sit in in 25 minutes and this one talks of Mobile Value added services which means 20 members at each other’s throat and short of throttling anything is possible… That is what I have been told. This is my first.. All I have to say is dear God Help me!!!
Blasted over but not out!!!
So I finally made it to word press, after an afternoon of clicks and hits and misses I have managed to give it a fairly decent look. Right that done , I am sure by now all of you have heard about the Mumbai blast that happened this evening. And by God did I realise that “it’s a Wednesday” and it is Ajmal Kasab’s Birthday so some lunatics just decide to take revenge. It is South Mumbai that pays the price, there is a horrible sense of de javu.. It is like 2002, 1992, 2006 and 26/11 all revisiting. My question, as I am sure millions of you out there will have the same, what now, by that I do not mean the country’s emergency services, I mean how many more lives, how many more times before such acts could would stop. THere is no answer. We are not the first country to go through this and the loss is not unique to us either, but try explaining it to those who have lost a loved one.. In fact I was hard at work when my fiance gives me a frantic set of messages on GTalk to inquire if I am alright and trust me I am over 1200 km away from Mumbai but that does not stop the fear. We cannot leave the house without fearing our safe return and our loved ones in perpetually on tenterhooks. I know I do not have an answer and would I blame the Government, honestly I am not sure but what I know is that blame game will not get us anywhere.. But then what else can we do, the whole thing og wait and watch no longer works, we have been tried and tested for too long and now at a breaking point.. As for me I think I am beyond loosing patience, resilience has given way and now there is this simmering volcano, which could erupt any moment and like me I am sure, millions out there would be echoing a similar sentiments..